40. 8 Maids a Milking

Holidays are here! Nothing beats the nice aroma of "fat guy running across the mall to get the last box of 'Twilight:Scene It'" sweat and fresh fake pine trees in the malls to brighten up the Christmas cheer!

I love it.

I'm at the point of my list where I'm thinking, "Well...Are we even THAT close?" My checking account is at the amount at where I started, um...$0.01 and I'm still lacking gifts. I'm hoping Santa comes this year and piles that Wilerama flava of "Caaaash Maaaaanny" on my new Range or Panda pet. His choice really. But seriously, Santa out did himself during my 6th Christmas. I woke up Christmas morning upset that S.C. didn't eat any of the cookies or drank any of the milk I left out by the kitchen for him and suddenly my brother, Eljay, screams, "GAIL! WHAT'S THAT?!" looking through our fiber glass sliding door that goes to our backyard. And all I saw was a black Hefty bag sitting on my oldest brother's, Everette, '88 4 door blue Honda Accord aka the ticket to the Palmdale and a rev away from being accused of being a black guy stealing an Asian's car. I remember walking bare foot in the backyard to the car, snatching the bag and hunched it over my gnome shoulders rushing inside to open my Christmas goodies and all of a sudden my eyes lit up brighter than the star in Bethlehem and there it was in my grubby little first grade hands was my very own "Saved By" board game!30 points to win the whole game and to do so you had to date Zack, Slater AND Screech! What was the sole purpose of the game? Who cares?! I had it!!! I didn't even know that existed in the North Pole till I carefully scrutinized my ultimate Christmas present and noticed a white patch of paper on the box...."JC Penny $15.99" "Mom, when did Santa start shopping.....ANYWHERE!?!?" And what does my Mom respond with, "He asked me to buy it for you."

There you have it...At 6 years old I lost my Santa Claus glee, but continued to manipulate my parents and brothers by parading my faith in S.C. to get MORE gifts. I fooled you till I was 11.

On that note...

Merry Christmas and anticipate the Holiday Armadillo on Christmas Eve or Hanukkah.

39. "Cheese Poo Poo"

I can't believe she's legal. Well, "legal" as in 21+ males can hit on her without being thrown to jail. God, that's gross. Don't you fucking dare.

38. I Thought HE Knew

To My First Love,

I spend days wishing that I could hear or see you one more time, but maybe that's just me being selfish. I couldn't imagine how things would be now with all our drastic changes, immense growth and revealed secrets. I'm sure we would've never been the same, but maybe we could be worse only time can tell if we would've been better.

I run into old photographs and memorabilla of you that I just can't manage to get rid of. I really don't think I can.

The money I spent on you were pennies compared to all the memories, the late nights I'd spend talking to my friends about you seems so juvenile, but all the giggles made you worth it. I wish you the best and deep down I know we were meant to be...

Ps. Good thing I sold that one water bottle that you drank out of from the night we were at The Forum. I made a fortune.

Love,
Your Biggest Fan




*NSYNCette




Jodeci is proud to know their track made it on Ch.32

37. I love and hate '09 at the very same time...

Not only has Kanye interrupted a girl's moment of glory on national television, but he has also created the newest "FML" phrase that's making me a Bittersweet fan.



Is that enough proof for you?

Come on kids, slit your wrist upwards, not sideways if you're serious.

Ps. I'm not supporting suicide whatsoever, I just wish this generation wasn't so dramatic and publicly displaying their dark banter with Yeezy's words.

THE END.

36. TXT L8TER

I can't wait to see this in between episodes of Degrassi.




So, text me when you get there.....if you do.

35. Watch this...

and if you're in the beginning, middle or ending your day you'll sing, "TODAY is going to be a good day."

34. Happy Birthday, Nanay!

My grandma turned 88 years old today. Still strong, great and old school. Thirty something years here in America, her English has massively improved as well as her pointing skills, but sadly her hearing requires everyone to use their talking over a sounding ambulance voice when you try to converse with her, but of course I love her nonetheless. So, as her grandchildren grows older with her, she finds it appropriate to advise us about sex, so imagine her yelling various bastos words, pointing and shaking her finger, indicating that "we shouldn't just give it to anyone." Those are her words, not mine.

I'd call her just for a two minute yell any day.


(the classic shot from '06)
Happy Birthday, Nanay! I love you.

33. Just Like Dorothy Sings on "The Wiz"....

“When I think of home, I think of a place…” although, unlike her, I don’t live in Kansas nor do I have to click my heels to go home...willingly. It’s funny to think that as an L.A. native I have yet to appreciate my own hometown. For me, I’ve spent 22 years wandering probably one-fifth of the Valley and I still can't locate where you can find helotes in the mid-afternoon. I haven’t started my list of “Secret Places No One Can Ever Find Me in This Metropolitan” or “Favorite Tea Spots.” I can’t even name my favorite club! I think that’s only because I think every spot I’ve been to is the same, just with a different outfit,inebriated memory and reason to party.

On a lighter note..

I wish during a part of my life I owned a tree house in my very own backyard. Nothing Swiss Family Robinson-ish, maybe more like Brennan Huff and Dale Doback’s lap of luxury, but instead of the late 1970, early 1980s classic porn I’d have midget porn in my bookcases in alphabetical order according to who's on the cover and Nike shoe boxes as the pillars of the windows and doors and furniture made of clouds shapes.



Or maybe I'll borrow Lucy Whitmore's idea and build it out of waffles, inedible of course, because I hate ants.

"Tiiiiimbeeeer!!!"

32. - 8 = MVP

I highly doubt Taiwan hopped on the KB24 fan aircraft. They are
真實的風扇 (True Fans).

31. FINALLY...

a GOOD video that made Sense for Champions to watch it from Heaven At Night.

30. To The Smoothest Criminal...

There's been a lot of talk about what caused your passing:

Huffingtonpost. com says, "Maybe it's the stress that he was dealing with for his molestation cases" or the Daily News says it could be "his over dosage of prescribed drugs." Other sources even say that it "he was over working himself with his 'This Is It' Tour coming around."


I'm sure you're enjoying the stories, rumors and love your timeless hits playing on the radio more. But I'm sure your witty yet poised response to the chatter would be...***cue all the multi-racial children that are dressed in white with angel wings to come out from both sides of the stage*** "It was Human Nature." ***cue the tickling of the ivories***

29. If Jack Johnson did it, so can I.

- I wish the NBA season was still going.
- I wish Kanye would just tour in the U.S. already.
- I wish people would stop using social network sites as a verb.
- I wish the 11.6% of unemployment was the percentage of obesity in the state.
- I wish BEP would realize their time is done.
- I wish Kobe didn't cheat and allegedly rape the Colorado broad.
- I wish California had more available options for public transportation to ease traffic.
- I wish most prayers never started with, "Please..."
- I wish photography never became a trend.
- I wish the med field wasn't considered the "easy route" to get cash.
- I wish Aubrey O' Day never hooked up with Diddy, maybe that would've saved DK.
- I wish convenient stores and/or all stores in general would sell flat soda.
- I wish designing a sneaker wasn't as easy as Nike iD.
- I wish I saw Michael Jordan play at the Forum once.
- I wish Lauryn Hill was still L.Boogie instead of Ms. Hill.
- I wish mixed tapes still existed and iTunes playlists would be a luxury.
- I wish I had a hover board and Bumble Bee as forms of transportation.
- I wish having an extra hour in the day would make some kind of difference.
- I wish I paid more attention to World News.
- I wish people would stop chasing food trucks.
- I wish DJs still carried their cases of vinyls to clubs and house parties.
- I wish faithfulness and commitment was never something promised, but simply done.
- I wish everyone was required to learn 3-4 languages.
- I wish trips around the world were sold as one itinerary and plane ticket.

Thanks, Scoop.

28. "I'm enjoying the moment..." - The MVP

As a loyal fan and not a passenger of the "Only When They're Good" bandwagon of the Lakers I did not attend the parade because I helped them pour champagne down Phil Jackson's back in Orlando the night they won the Finals and on the plane ride home me and the Lake Show couldn't stop rambling about Deep FISHing in 4.6 seconds with his 3 and Sun "Mono" Yue beating Yao to a ring without even touching Amway grounds until the 5th win. Plus, I ran out of sun screen and pepper spray.






Well deserved, Champs.

27. "Hello. Is it me you're looking for?"

I'm still here.

I didn't retire or take a leave of absence like Jay-Z, I just currently reside on Writer's Block. "What you want me to do?! I'm sorry!"

Help?

For now, endure in the good Mos while I keep scribbling. Hopefully, I'll be as Ecstatic.

26. Crank Yankers Gone Nike

25. This Video Is As Long As Hatton Stayed Concious Tonight

Just a glimpse of what the the Western Conference Semi-Finals might look like. Artest sounds as gay as his shooting form.

Kobe and Artest: The 'Lost' Trash Talk from The Basketball Jones on Vimeo.

24...Inches (for now)

This is the new Viagra ad. Can you imagine this image being plastered all over the buildings on Hollywood and Highland and on lit billboards on Sunset?

It's eye catching for tiny douche bags.
Hehehe.

23. UK Collabo

There's something about Estelle live that made me a fan. Might be her doing something about the British genes of bad teeth...She got braces!

She's my Ms.Dynamite of 2000.

22. Furriest Roomie

Only because Apple Pie looks like a cotton ball mixed with a wolf and lion and that my little cousin Janelle (the girl holding my fluffkins) is not so little anymore.

I'll be posting more noteworthy pieces as soon as the Lakers finish the first round tonight.

21. Cookie Crisp and Oh Sundae

Ego (Remix) (Feat. Beyonce) - Kanye West

Everyone has a "Plan B" to every situation. For the scenario of the depressing and overly dramatic, "What if I never get hired for anything?" and "Since our economy is building our graves what can I do?" Oh, and "I have a half a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch left in the box and I want more, but I refuse to buy another box or settle for the small 'fit for a bowl' box, what can I do?" I have thee PERFECT solution to accommodate to every need and aspect of these circumstances.

A Cereal Bar.



The trend today with snacks fades from yogurt to coffee. Both being seen as healthy choices. None the less, Pinkberry's "swirly goodness" is up to 100 calories (check the site for the servings information AND listen to Lady Tiagra's rise to stardom like Kid Sister) and topping choices do range from least healthy (mochi balls) to the most "I think this is good for you" (anything ending in -berry), but every other Yogurt Land, Fruitopia, Swirly Bonanza, Yo Gurt Me spot is getting tired, but the idea of making hungry customers have the liberty of making their own desired snack/meal is genius!

**SIGH** I thought I'd be the FIRST to have the ridiculously insane, yet brilliant idea of opening my own cereal bar up one day where the customer would be able to mix, match and mush boxed delicacies and add our own special ingredients in them making them signature bowls and waste away my overrated college degree to splurge on Kellogg's fantasies, but apparently...I was beat!

I guess you can check them out, BUT me first, son! Google and Yelp THAT!

20. I Miss "Inside Stuff."

I bet I'm not the only one who got goosebumps after watching this.




I'm excited...

19. Christmas in April?

I'm in the mood to share old goods.

18. K.I.T.

[Gen XY appropriate]


It's been one of those weeks where all I wish I had was a wad of cash, a plane ticket destined to go anywhere and my iPod. Phoneless and indirect connection to InterSpace would probably set the course to a real vacation.

It's tough for someone these days to disconnect themselves from the realms of social bonding and via any form of communication or outreach being literally, "on the tip of your fingers." We're immune to e-mailing and texting being the only way to rapidly communicate with someone, this being the 20th century's greatest luxury. Thank You Tad Hirsch! It's the Louis V of the generation, but everyone can afford it and there's no such thing as a hand me down and window shopping. But I didn't think that along with these indulgences comes a trait, which is becoming bi/tri/multi-lingual. In a span of 5 minutes, I've read numerous messages asking WRUD? and the explicable OMG to explain the WTF? and all I can do is STFU and just LOL at the situation because seriously with all these acronyms it's TMI to absorb when all I said was Hi.

With these damn keyboards on our phones, everyone's still lazy to type out full sentences. Whatever, I'll add on to the sloth and admit that I don't vote. I guess I'll start ROTF after you set me on fire.

TCCIC!!!

17. "All Of The Above."

It's climbing up there in the "Best Movies" category for me.



GET IT!!!


Uh... and PCD wants a piece of Oscar.

16. I Need to Find Washable Crayons!!!

I might have to do something I may terribly regret, BUT....*UCK IT! (Personal Inquiry: Why is it that every time the public has to censor that particular word, they never censor the first letter, making the word have various options, instead of making it the obvious. As if 3 1/2 year old toddlers don't know how to spell what act their parents did to bring them into this world. There's no 'UCK' in 'MISTAKE,' Folks.) After MUCH thought and watching R. Les make the beat to "Gibberish" I'm beginning to commend this renowned Crimson for making a song that no one can understand making his fans and impertinent bystanders, like myself, spend their time Googling the lyrics and even going on YouTube to see if there are any of those tawdry videos made with the lyrics scrolling over one of Ryan Leslie's rejected head shots.

I found something better. A video that redeems Leslie's Harvard diploma and bitchassness. A video that peels the onion birthday cake.

15. "When do we eat?!"

Talkin To Me (Edit) - Amerie (Featuring Jakk Frost),


As a firm believer of Catholicism and being educated about it for twelve years by the main text of the Bible and numerous religion books (Fully Alive counts), visited various churches and seen arange of art created to replicate certain events that had occurred in the Bible, one is heavily recognized and is probably hanging in almost every Filipino family's house over their own dining room table. I've scrutinized the renowned portrait of "The Last Supper" and honestly, one thought trickles through my mind..."How did Jesus choose those 12 people to be in his posse?" I'm aware that each one of them had their own story that made their place at the table significant. Half were fishermen, others were tax collectors and the rest were related to one, so Jesus couldn't just take one and leave the other hanging on a limb, might have been His.

REALLY...

How did He choose them? His last meal of His life was spent with these men and all I can selfishly think of now is, which twelve people would I choose to have my last feast with dead or alive? Hmmm...

1. Conan O' Brien- I'd like to know more about his long and enduring fantasy about naughty Manatees.
2. Virginia Woolf- I read.
3. Oprah Winfrey - I'd want her to pay for dinner and ask her how her last name was enabled for Auto Check.
4. J Dilla - He'll make a special play list for the night and he can sit on the left of me, while #5 can sit on my right.
5. Kobe Bryant - He would be my date. All I want to do his hold his hand and wear his three(+1)rings.
6. Katie Holmes/Joey Potter - We would've been arch rivals if we went to the same high school in Creekside. She would be my Yang.
7. Paula Dean - She would cook everything...without talking.
8. Phil Knight- Without him, I'd be shoeless.
9. Kanye West - We'll need someone to throw something at someone to make the evening interesting.
10. Aaliyah - She'll sing over J Dilla's tracks.
11. Justin Timberlake - He can sit in front of me. I'm going to need someone to take me home, since Kobe only assaults white girls.
12. Queen Sophia of Spain - We've never met before.

That was tough. I think I might even need to rethink some of my choices. I can't make these decisions, I'm not God.

I'm sure our group picture would be nicely hung over a dinner table next to the art photography of Kim Anderson.

14. "A whole other level of cool."

The Boss - Rick Ross Feat. T-Pain


Yesterday, the Valley was visited by prominence.




It was ten times better than Clinton playing the sax wearing Ray Bans on Arsenio.

13. "Hadoken!"

Swag - Jamie Foxx Feat. Rick Ross




Unfortunately, it looks like I'm lacking in the amusement of "systems" category. I don't have a PS3 or Technics SL-anything. I have antique systems that will remain collecting dust and games that need you to blow into it like a breathalyzer for you to distinguish whether you're playing NBA 2k2 or Dead or Alive.





When I have the funds to purchase my own console (PS3) my first purchased game will be Street Fighter. Apparently, my first vinyl might even be the same. I wonder how it will sound when I use one of the tracks and mix it to my techno Sesame Street Anthem.

Watch out, one of my next featured song's just might be mine.

12. Next Selection Productions Needs a New Choice!!!

[No song included in this entry, I apologize in making THIS song it.]

Education is such a priceless element to a person's being (in my opinion). Whether it be text books and hourly lectures instructing you to better your mind attributes or lifelong lessons gained from hands on experience that stimulates and expands your lobes, doesn't matter, as long as you achieve more than the expected and dreamed.

BUT, in the cases of Ivy League educated and hundred thousand dollars spent on that education, I will greatly assume and anticipate him or her to explain to me in one paragraph, but use ONLY seven syllable words to distinguish the difference of Man versus Nature and correlate that to a valid segue to the written techniques used in Virginia Woolf's "Mrs. Dalloway"and mirror that to a social problem drawn from the media today. Once that's all said and done, you MIGHT impress me...a little. I might even commend you and your nose up Zeus' ass.

At the youthful age of 19, a "boy" graduated from Harvard with a degree in Government and Economics. After his two measly years spent in the university, he decided to wear gold chains, shades and leather jackets and attached a keyboard on his fingertips instead of his routinely penguin Armani attire . Although, some of his music is bearable, after hearing this song, I checked for the next open flight to Cambridge, Massachusetts and packed up all my crayons just so I can tag "R. Les in Peace" in the hallways. Fuck this guy and his credentials from P. Diddy. If Diddy can destroy Danity Kane and construct Da Band, why can't he tell this guy that his fade is out of date and simply break his Casio keys?!?! Oh, I know why...











He swallows.

11. "Dear Diary: Jackpot"

10. Jimmy Brooks

Best I Ever Had - Drake


Ok...

I am proudly a 90s devotee to after school specials. MOST of them. I'm part of the Buddy Band trend setting fiasco and will Shut Up and Listen fan base. Even though their seldom TBS airings don't occur as much as they change the cable network's channel from 24 to 39 to 46 and teased us with the shortcomings of WGN. I'd still like to consider myself loyal to the original generation of TNBC's lineup. But I'd like to confess that from time to time, I skim through other channels and...in the process, I landed in the home of the Red Leafs and poutine and wandered the halls of Degrassi High. YES, I hated Emma's face, witnessed Paige's lesbian phase, crushed on Jimmy more when he was in his wheelchair and Craig (post-Ashley) and squirmed during Liberty's pregnancy.

Obviously, at 4:00 in the afternoon these days TV is at its worst. Now we can catch the reruns of Sabrina during her college years to catch Punky Brewster and watch Sober/Drunk/Addicted to Anyting reality sourced series to see Screechie Poo desperately sell his own pornos to save his sorry ass. Of course we can't avoid America's Best Dimples himself, Albert Clifford.

I guess Canada beats us American's at something. Jimmy grew up and became Drake. He's doing waaaay better than Samantha Woo if you ask me.

9. G.s.O.A.T

Juicy (Instrumental) - The Notorious B.I.G.


With about 450 players in the league, 26 of these championship hungry, MVP worthy,ranked nightly on ESPN, embedded on the front page of yesterday and today's newspapers and ideal cereal box candidates are chosen to represent the East and West of the nation. Although, the coordinate rivalry isn't as fatal as Biggie and Pac's, no one dies until the finals, without any interrogation or bantering of Who Shot Ya, the trophy and rings make it clear. The West is drenched in Purple and Gold and of course acknowledging the token PG of the West Chris Paul and as for the East, well...take your pick, you can make the most ultimate, unstoppable, supreme Dream All-Star Team.

I honestly don't care how many dead presidents they have in their Gucci wallets or stuffed in the bras of their babies mamas. What they do with it makes them more interesting and human.


LB Gives Gifts / NBA All-Star Weekend '09 from Good Produce on Vimeo.

8. "Expose, Expose.."